So here I am. A stay at home mom. I have an almost 3 year old girl and a 4 month baby boy. And still I sit and ponder how this all came about. I wanted a family. It's something I've dreamt about for as long as I can remember. Smacking my little baby dolls around and yelling at them to stop crying. Ahhh memories. And I absolutely love my children. I am positive I am a wonderful mother. I smother them with love, and affection and take care of them to the absolute best of my ability. We go places and do things and I am there. Through everything. And I plan to continue that. However there are things about having kids and even being at stay at home mom that no-one tells you about. It's as if your parents have this information that will be helpful to you and yet like a snake in the grass they keep it from you so they can have grandchildren. Well as much as I Love my children genuinely and cherish every moment spent with them, there are days where I do wish for more. UUhhh??!!!(GASP!) How dare I ?!!! But then again if you knew my introduction into parenting you might understand why. But that's for another time. What I can tell you is that I spent 28 years of my life without children. And now that I have the perspective I have, well I had no clue what 'real' responsibility was until now. I'd take a nasty day at my old job entailed with a reprimanding from the owner of the company, along with about 100 pissed off customers, 6 cups of coffee(hence palpitations), and me sitting in the bathroom crying at one point from stress over this any day of the week. For those that don't know, the minute you bring a child into this world your entire world turns upside down. Even that to me is an understatement. It is an all consuming, lack of sleep, entirely way too much exposure to childrens excrement and bodily fluids, teaching, cleaning, washing, guiding, protecting, sacrifice of self job. And I don't say job to be mean. But make no mistake. Being a parent is a job. Even for those that already have paying jobs. Unfortunately stay at home moms don't get paid. What we get instead, is all the brutality mankind can enthrall on a person on a daily basis. It's the truth too. (So if you don't like it, don't keep on reading).
I have no social life to speak of. Facebook and yahoo news are my life. I don't get to read books although I'd love to. I barely exercise because of lack of supervision for my children and where my exercise equipment is(in my basement). I usually end up doing little things here and there on the floor while my son is doing tummy time(mind you while I'm getting a pummeled by my daughter.). I don't have freedom except to a quick jaunt to the supermarket or the CVS every once in a while. I don't have nice clothes, cute shoes or handbags. I live in exercise type clothing unless I'm leaving the house and that always leaves me thrilled to put makeup on just going to a friends house or the supermarket. I don't go out. I don't go to bars or clubs or anything. All my friends live far away so I don't have dinners with friends just us talking about adult things. I live on the thrill of a good movie or TV show nowadays and now understand why my parents spent so much time in front of the tube as well. I don't get my nails and hur did. I cannot go #2 without a pair or 2 or 3 of eyes on me. So that's that.
So even after my long diatribe about all I don't have or am able to do, there is all that I do. For one, I have my best friend and husband that I married that is there for me no matter what. Thick and thin. Despite our differences and even different responsibilities we are there for each other and we do what we have to do. And for most part with no complaint. We have kids that are so cute I just want to eat them alive. (Not literally of course). Despite the fact that being a parent is one of the hardest jobs, I still get to see their smiling faces every day when they wake up and know that although I have a mountain of work ahead of me, it's an amazing feeling to know they need 'you'. And that you can help them and guide them to become happy, successful, functioning human beings. And hope that they'll come visit you in the nursing home more than once a month one day. Ok Just kidding!...uhh, ok, maybe not.
And although I don't have nice clothes, and handbags, and shoes. Or go get my nails and hur did. And although I don't exercise or read book after book in barnes and noble sipping on my starbucks. I still wouldn't trade the poopy diapers, sleepless nights, arguments with my husband about money, endless array of laundry and work, for anything that's out in this crazy world. Because it is my life. My family, my kids, my friends and all of that in itself to me is 'home'. I proudly accept my mess, chaos, noise and all that comes with this nutty little thing that is my life for the time being. Because after all, nothing lasts forever.
-V 2010
