Life...is full of surprises. As you all know. One day you're in Euphoria, enjoying everything about your life and then some. It's a beautiful sunny, warm day and everything is wonderful. Your children are being so well behaved and mushy, your job isn't driving you nuts, your life choices seem great and you have a sense of pride. You are accomplishing what seems like the impossible. You've spent time with friends, and family and sometimes all in the same day!. You and you partner, lover, husband, wife or whomever are in the throws of being in love. It's nothing but bliss. And everything is right in the world. Chocolate Peanut butter cookie sweet!!! Ahhh(sighing).
The next day however......not so much. The world comes crashing down on your head. Right the Fuck, on your head. You wake up to overcast skies and rain, or just maybe overcast skies. And for someone who suffers from S.A.D. along with general depression and anxiety that's NEVER a good start to any day. Your children will not get along, and will not stop the incessant whining, screeching and even hitting each other. They will not stop following you everywhere and God forbid they allow you to get anything accomplished AT ALL. The job today isn't what you'd normally expect. Everyone is aggravating you, and you even got a good nights sleep. Prospects of going anywhere or doing anything today are grim as everyone else has a life except you and is busy or has family or friends nearby to hang out with or an actual job that pays. Your spouse is well, still your spouse and is already starting with some mundane bullshit about not texting anymore because you can't seem to not go over every month. Which always brings on the wrinkled brow with the question of 'Are we the only people in existence at the moment who don't have an unlimited plan'? Amongst many other things. Life my friends is this unpredictable. Even more so for me with all my ailments, chronic fatigue, issues, complaints. I feel pathetic, lost, and feel like a fool for not taking the time out to plan my life better. These are the days where I'd love to just get in my car and drive off into the sunset and never return. As much as I Love everyone, some days this seems just more desirable then dealing with the realities of life. The responsibilities, the tediousness, the negativity, the loss of self, independence and freedom. These are the diatribes of a Stay at home mother. I'm positive there are others who aren't stay at home moms that go through all of the above and 100 times more. But for today, for right now, it's not about them. It's about me. And as much as I have these days I would never ever leave my children, or my husband. I would never give it all up for anything. As crazy, chaotic and horrible my days can be, I know this isn't forever. And if it's one thing that every mother knows, we all need a break sometimes. So maybe it's time that I take one. One that includes lots and lots of wine. :o)
