Am I Ready?

  So here we are 5 years in from having my first child. My baby girl Regan. She is far from a baby anymore. She can read some. Add on her own and just lost her first tooth a few weeks ago. I didn't think that happened until atleast another year or year and a half. She amazes me every day. My son is 3, and will be attending preschool in the fall also. And of course there is another tyrant Oh I mean BOY! on the way come August.  :o)

But my 'little girl'. My first born. Will be graduating from Pre-K in a few short weeks.

A Long Long time ago (or so it seems) when I envisioned this time, I had an immense list of preconceived notions. About alot of things of course(don't we all?). But on this this topic, I kind of thought the whole 'graduation' from Pre-K was a bit silly. Not silly, but maybe not nearly as relevant as graduation from what I thought to be real school. I vaguely remember realizing that preschoolers wear caps and gowns (and of course not all schools do this) and would chuckle at how serious the whole thing was taken. I did think about the cuteness of it all . Like we'll get some really great pictures! But somehow I didn't process or maybe allow myself to process the emotional side of it. The reality that it's just another part of my baby growing up.

But now, here I am. About to watch her walk down that little proverbial preschool aisle. And call it pregnancy hormones, but every time I take her to school now and envision her in a cap and gown and me taking her pictures, I get a bit misty. I know that I will probably need a box of tissues when the day comes. And I think of how proud I am of her that she is so smart and so witty. Just the other day, she asked me why a Mom was crying on TV for something her kid was doing. So I explained to her that Moms do that when their children make great accomplishments. I admitted to her that I would probably cry at her graduation(s). At her wedding if she chooses to get married, if and when she has her babies, and any other endeavor she pursued and succeeded at. And she just leaned in and layed on my arm.

Speechless.

So I think about what a shmuck I was for thinking of her moving on from preschool as silly to begin with. After all, whether big or small, it's still a milestone. She isn't going to see alot of if any of the kids she's pretty much been friends with for the past 2 years. She was so upset about this at first proclaiming she wasn't going to show up the day of graduation. And something happened to her and she finally said 'I think I'm ready to go to Kindergarten'. Those were real emotions! This time will be something that she can be proud of when she is old enough to do so. So really, who am I to take that away from her with all those pesky preconceived notions?

In the Fall she'll be taking an actual school bus all on her own and going to what is the start of elementary school. I think my reaction on that first day will be the same as a commercial I saw. Which I will post at the end of this blog. In general a Dad is waiting for the bus with his little girl who is getting on it for the first time. At first she looks hesitant and kind of sad. And he follows the bus making sure to look at her every few minutes while driving. He then happily finds that she has made a friend instantly and is laughing and forgotten all about her fears. I only pray that my kids have that same happy beginning. In any case, this is my sweet girls beginning. The beginning of her doing things 'alone' and without me. The beginning of her building friendships, alliances, and of course the inevitable...enemies. So my question to myself is am I ready? Am I ready for the work load? The tears? The stress? And that's just for me. Then there will be her work load. Her tears. Her stress. She is very hard on herself. As was I. For those reading this with no children, or with your first child or even someone that hasn't entered this stage and having your own 'preconceived notions' trust me. Your time will come. And from what I hear, kids are starting to develop mentally, and emotionally at a much younger age than we did. So it's all uphill from here. Or is it.

The fact however remains, that it doesn't matter whether I'm ready or not. It's coming regardless. And the only thing I can do is embrace it. The only step I can take as her Mom is to be there for her. Teach, encourage, help when I am able and just appreciate every moment of her being so young and so awesome. Savor her ambition just to see me and experience everything along with her. Because she will be graduating from Elementary School, then Middle School, then High School before I can say Cap and Gown.

Here's the video. Try not to tear up too bad. And just for the record, I am not 'endorsing' subaru. Although I do own one. But it's solely a coincidence. :)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UO6ztkW4ulw